Strong, Christian men are hard to come by these days. Strong, single Christian men are even harder to find. I get emails in my inbox and talk to other girls all the time who are asking the same question: How can we meet and get to know good christian guys?
I’m certainly not an expert at this but I have asked myself that question many times in the past. There is no cut and dry answer but after much thought and several conversations with guys, young and old, I found these tips to be biblical and very helpful….
#1 Plug Into A Biblical Church
If you are looking to meet like minded Christian men the most logical place to start would be a good Bible believing church. Plug yourself into a strong healthy church that puts an emphasis on training and discipling young men (and women). Not only is regularly attending a strong, healthy church important for your sanctification and spiritual growth but it will also be good for the young men there. Some of the fruits of a healthy church are deep, passionate Christ followers and that’s what you should be looking for in a future husband.
Not only do strong churches encourage maturity in the men who are already there but they should also draw in new, godly men who are seeking to be fed well on the Word
Our God is a creative God who loves diversity. He is powerful enough to orchestrate meeting our future spouse in so many creative ways that I couldn’t even begin to count but I always counsel people to plug into a good church and use that as a starting place.
#2 Be Friendly
Be friendly. Not flirtatious, friendly. I’ve had several conversations with single guys in regards to initiating relationships and one of the biggest de-motivators for them is seemingly unfriendly, unapproachable women.
We might complain all day long that guys aren’t stepping up and pursuing but we can’t necessarily pin all the blame on them. It’s super intimidating for a guy to begin a friendship, let alone a relationship, with a girl if she doesn’t ever make an effort to be congenial or talk with guys. It’s also difficult for them to get to know us if we can only be found in a click of girl friends, never broadening our friendship circle to include guys.
#3 Look Past Your Ideals
Every girl should have a list of non-negotiables when it comes to relationships but we often confuse the “Must haves” (non-negotiables) with the “Hope Sos” (preference).
Don’t limit your friendships or relationship considerations to only the guys who fit into your “Ken doll preference box”. No guy is going to be perfect and it’s a good idea to be willing to get to know those who are different (looks, culture, likes, occupation) than maybe you had always imagined your future husband to be. Sometimes you will find that God has someone different in mind for you with qualities or interests that fit you much better than you had imagined on your own.
#4 Rest In God’s Sovereignty
You can do all the things mentioned above: place yourself in a healthy Christian environment, be friendly/easy to approach and flexible with your preferences but at the end of the day we’ve got to rest in God’s sovereignty.
He is the one who writes our story. We can work to make ourselves ready and available for the blessed job of being a wife but ultimately the timing is up to God. His time table is always best.
While you’re waiting, rest in Him, be diligent with the tasks and responsibilities at hand. Bloom where you are planted. Enjoy singleness and all it’s many benefits. Enjoy sharpening friendships with both girls AND guys. There is a lot we can learn from our Christian guy friends!
What are some good tips you have found for cultivation strong male friendships?
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These are all really great ideas, Ashley! I would echo you in saying that to meet a strong Christian man you need to go where they’ll be present. If you spend most of your time hanging out in bars and nightclubs, well, you might come across one but the chances aren’t great. If you search out a singles’ Bible study, on the other hand, you stand a much better chance of meeting a Christian man!
I chose to attend a small, Lutheran university–partly because it had the program I wanted, and I know in the back of my mind I was also thinking that if I was going to meet someone this would be a good place to do it. Well, I’m now the third generation in my family to meet their spouse at this school.
Would that have happened if I went to a big public university? Maybe. But I kinda doubt it. 
One other thing–it is important to be friendly, but I know from experience that guys can sometimes take friendliness as flirtation, EVEN when we girls don’t mean it that way! Be open to talking with guys, get to know them as friends, but be careful about giving extra attention to any one person (unless you’re truly interested in them). It might be helpful to have a friend you trust who can help you monitor your own behavior so you don’t send messages you aren’t intending to.
That is a very good caution! Trying to find a good friendly balance is important. At the end of the day though we can only be responsible for our actions.