Guest Post: Modesty: From A Guy’s View

I’ve got a great post for you today. I asked a good friend of mine, Matt Boyer, to answer a few questions for us on the topic of modesty and he graciously consented to do so. Modesty is often addressed by women but this is a rare chance to hear a guy’s view on the issue. Matt does a wonderful job answering these questions while showing both a guy’s perspective and a biblical perspective! Enjoy!

Question #1: Do you think modesty is something women should be concerned about, or is it not really very important to consider when choosing clothing?

Answer: Indeed, it is. In fact, scripture specifically commands it: I Timothy 2:8-10, “I desire….that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing, but, which is proper for women professing godliness, with good works”. Considering that these instructions were given in the context of a local church, it would seem that the implication is that women should dress and behave in such a way as to avoid causing distraction when the Body gathers. Distraction could come from either (1) indecent clothing that would catch the attention of men and feed sexual desires (hence the reference to propriety), or (2) from very costly attire that could incite other, less prosperous women to jealousy (thus, moderation). Conversely, scripture has nothing positive to say about women who dress immodestly (see Prov. 7:10 which, while it addresses far more than the attire of the woman it refers to, does include her dress as one of the ways she entices men).

Question # 2: Do you believe modesty is only about clothing, or is it also a heart/attitude issue?

Answer: Modesty in attire and behavior is an outworking of a proper attitude of submission toward God and one’s husband (I Peter 3:1-6). It should not be seen as a way of earning favor with God or obtaining spiritual maturity; rather it should be a result of the Holy Spirit applying God’s Word to the heart of the believer. The more we learn of God, and the more mature we become, the more we will desire to obey his commands.

Question # 3: Do you believe modesty is only at the discretion of the woman wearing the clothing, or is it also the role/responsibility of another to ensure a woman is dressing modestly? If so, who has this main role/responsibility, and why?

Answer: I believe that the husband has the scriptural authority/responsibility to lead his wife in submitting to scripture in every area. Additionally, a woman who dresses immodestly exposes herself to greater danger from men around her who lack self-control, and it is clearly the husband’s job to protect her from harm. Therefore I think he should have enough concern for her spiritual and physical well-being that he would point out if something in her wardrobe is inappropriate. That is not to say that husbands have to choose their wife’s entire wardrobe (as this could result in major fashion problems), only that they should care enough to be involved-and their wives should heed their counsel.

As to other counselors/authority figures (for single ladies), I’m not sure I could give you a chapter and verse to back this up but I would think it would be very wise to address any modesty-related questions to parents/siblings (particularly fathers and brothers, as they would know first-hand what attracts inappropriate attention from guys).

Question # 4: Do you feel it can be modest and feminine for a woman to wear pants provided they are not too tight?

Answer: Yes; in fact, sometimes it is more modest, considering that there are some very inadequate skirts out there. Also, there are some activities for which pants are better suited.

Question # 5: If a woman dresses modestly is it easier for men to keep their mind focused on the Lord when speaking with her?

Answer: Yes. A man’s passions and desires are, largely, visually driven and it is therefore much easier to keep our focus right when in the presence of a well-dressed young lady.

Let me say at this point that I do not blame men’s struggles with lust entirely, or even mostly, on women’s attire or behavior. If a man stumbles (or dives) into sin he bears the blame for his own actions/thoughts. One can not be tempted to do something that he has no desire to do, and we often find objects for our desires whether or not they present themselves. Sin ultimately begins in the depraved heart, something which no one other than God has the power to change. That having been said, however, women certainly have the choice of whether to be a help or a hindrance to us in this battle. You can be a great encouragement, or a stumbling block depending on how you choose to dress and conduct yourself. I, for one, would like to express my appreciation to those of you who are concerned enough about this issue to even be reading about it, and much more so to be considering it as you make everyday decisions concerning your attire and conduct.

 

Matt Boyer

Matt Boyer, son of Rick and Marilyn from The Learning Parent, is a young man with a noticeable passion for Christ. I met Matt at our local church where he ministers to the body in song, as an usher and Small Groups leader. Some of his interests range from music, reading, politics and working with his hands.

I’ve been blessed by his excellent insights on a variety of topics including the one above.

Thank you so much Matt, for your willingness to share your thoughts with us. We so appreciate it!

 

 

Click here to view my post “Modesty: From the Heart”.

I’m linked up to: Women Living Well Blog  Raising Homemakers

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Comments

  1. Thank you so much for doing this interview, and to Matt for providing his point of view! I love having more information on different perspectives on how the Bible discusses modesty for when I am in a conversation and have to explain why I dress the way I do. It also reassures me when someone makes a joking comment about my attire (ie: “Little House on the Prairie”) that I’m doing the right thing which is why I stand out. So encouraging!

  2. This was wonderful to read! I’ve been given a lot of insight about modesty from my dad and brothers in Christ, but reading interviews like this are always so encouraging! Thanks, Matt. And thank you, Ashley!

    God bless!
    Rachel

  3. Thanks so much for giving this interview! I’ve started to point several young ladies from our church to your blog so they can see what a great example you are setting. The series on modesty is something so many seem to overlook or are scared to approach. Great job!

  4. I am so thankful that my husband has these views. He has no problem telling me if something is too tight, or too low. I love that he is protective of me. It makes me feel loved and cherished that he wants my body to be seen only by him. I know so many women who’s husbands want to show off their wive’s bodies. It is sickening. They want pressure good, godly women to dress trashy. It is a constant fight in their marriage as they try not to cave into the pressure.

    Great post! Thanks for addressing such an important biblical issue.

  5. Mrs. Lawrie says:

    Ashley,

    It was very interesting reading this particular interview. I am pleased that he added the comments on the responsibility of men and their own minds. There are a few men at our church that would benefit from reading that part! Thanks again for your testimony as well as for Matt’s.

  6. LOVE how you focused on the fact that men and women both have responsibility before God in this area. They’re responsible for what they dwell on, and we’re responsible for what we present. And I loved Matt’s perspective in saying that a good husband leads his wife in submitting to God! We talk a lot about submitting to husbands, and that’s obviously necessary, but ideally it’s largely a matter of leadership in the area of following the Lord. Great post!

  7. I appreciate all your comments ladies! It’s encouraging to hear from other women that are also concerned about modesty.

  8. Thanks for the interview on modesty… It has always been my opinion that ~IF~ a man does not care how his wife dresses then he really does not love and respect her as a woman or as his mate…. Many women view this care from a man as an infraction on their right to dress as they please…. BUT, to me IT IS actually an indifferent attitude toward ones mate. AND before the husband, this leadership belongs to mom & dad… the teaching of proper dress, actions, and associations…. Thanks in Christ

  9. Thank you so much for this interview. It is very encouraging to those of us who are striving so hard to dress modestly yet still look pretty and not frumpy. It is an encouragement for anyone because if they are not dressing modestly – it could plant a seed for them to learn more about modesty and the effects of dressing either way. I think Matt was very gracious for taking the time to give not only a man’s perspective but a GODLY MAN’s perspective. This post meant a great deal to me. Thank you again for doing this. Smiles, Cass

  10. LOVE the male perspective!

  11. Oh I absolutely loved reading this. Sometimes I wonder if young ladies really understand the impact their apparel has on others. Unfortunately, the church as a whole doesn’t address it for fear of “stepping on toes”. Wouldn’t want to lose out on those tithers, now. :( It is a serious issue.

    As I was reading, I didn’t realize who was being interviewed until the bottom.

    I read your parent’s book, Matt, “Home Educating with Confidence” several years back and God used it to give me the shove I needed to obey Him in homeschooling my own children. We are now in our 3rd year. Please thank them for me. :)
    Christin
    joyfulmothering.net

  12. Excellent job! Isn’t it amazing how the Bible has guidance for us in all areas of our lives if we will just read and apply it. Matt you did such a nice job answering the questions asked of you. Thank you for sharing your view from a godly man’s perspective. My husband is wonderful in his role of encouraging leading me closer to Christ through prayer, conversation, and godly advise.

    Blessings!

    Mary Joy

  13. Thanks for posting this! My mom found your blog the other day and passed it along to me! It has been nice reading some of the things on here, especially this interview. It is nice to hear of young men still desiring the things of the Father! It concerns me that several in the church are not addressing the issue and are even skirting around it in fear of “driving them away.” I appreciate the thoughts and perspective on this! Thanks again!

  14. joyfilled says:

    Wonderful (and very important!!) interview!!

  15. What a great post!! And so helpful from a male’s perspective. I pray we all take this to heart. I am so blessed to have a husband who, whenever I am inadvertently wearing something that he feels will cause another man problems, will say, “Are you thinking of wearing a scarf with that?” Always in a very respectful way…but so as to say, “please wear a scarf with that”. :) I always feel so cherished and protected when he says that.

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